The transition to three children has been more of challenge than the switch to two.
I know that’s not always true for everyone with three kids or more, but it’s been true for us.
Now, I don’t want to come off as whiny. I am poignantly aware at how extremely blessed we are.
But things are different around here lately…and probably forever. I feel like we have been paddling around feverishly to get “back to normal,” whatever that was, only to find that we are simply treading water. Just keeping our heads above water (most of the time), and feeling like we aren’t getting anywhere.
Before a road trip my mother-in-law likes to say, “We’re off like a herd of turtles!” She says that as a friendly reminder to my father-in-law to not speed, but I think it’s also an apt description of our lives right now. Our efficiency pace can sometimes be painfully slow. There have been things on my to do list for months now, like revamp my blog design, get social media buttons, update my tutorials section, get the house back on a cleaning schedule (instead of cleaning the bathroom whenever it gets disgusting – which if you know me in person, it’s probably a shock to you to read that, I am very much not myself lately which I think is both good and bad), and much more important things like figure out a way to have mommy preschool with Reid that doesn’t result in a melt down of some sort (I think he might do better if his teacher isn’t me, which kills me because I loved teaching Owen).
I think I am beginning to see a new dimension to “the slow and steady win the race”, I’m beginning to see that the slow and steady learn to see what’s most important. Instead of trying to do everything as fast as we can, because we can’t, I’m learning to let things fall by the wayside and try, try oh so hard, not to let what cannot be, eat at me. Now sometimes I make the wrong judgement call and I let the less important things take up my very limited time. Other times, all I want to do is soak in how little my kids are, so I do.
The last several nights, as I have been pondering over this, I felt impressed that we need to find a new normal for us.
We need to live in the thick of life and enjoy it instead of always looking forward to “someday.” Someday when we have more time, someday when the kids are older, someday when we land that career and get that house, and so and on. I have to remind myself that “someday” is not all it’s chalked up to be, but that today is. (Sound familiar, yes last month’s Presidency message from our Church magazine couldn’t be more fitting for our family…imagine that :)))
So thank you for your kind emails, encouraging comments, and for sticking around while we, I, figure out our “new normal.”
Don’t worry. I’m not quitting the blog, although I’ve considered it, I love blogging too much. I’ve got stuff in the works, I just may take longer to get my ideas on the screen. If you don’t see me post everyday, just know I wish I could, but I’m choosing the better part.
Oh girl, I know this feeling. Oftentimes lately the state of life I'm in feels temporary, like I'm waiting for something and I'm not sure what. It really takes work to be present!
Also, even though I did swim team all through high school, the only way to get my daughter to learn swimming was to send her to lessons – some kids just learn better from others, I guess! 🙂
LOVE this post and can totally relate. 🙂 You are great!
I have four kids, 18,16,9 and 3 and my life has been treading water for years! But only sometimes… But the first year with number 3 is very hard, because having 3 is like 10 times harder than 2! Blessings can be tiring!
Delia, I understand you! I have one son, until … but my life has changed the appearance of this! You have to right to enjoy life! And I want you to find a balance, find a new "norm". We are waiting for you, and always read! Good luck!!
I have three boys and your post described just how I felt in the early months. With just one child, it takes so long to feel like you can even leave the house. With two or more, that happens so much sooner but you take so much longer to feel sorted. And two children feels like 2, but three feels like 5 or more!
I also had to do quite a re-think and change my blogging. I wrote about it
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http://atouchofdomesticity.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/in-which-i-tell-truth.html#!/2012/06/in-which-i-tell-truth.html
You are not alone. I also have three kids and feel just the same way. I've found a lot of inspiration from your blog when it come's to doing things with the children. I loved your Lego birthday 🙂
My youngest son is now almost 3 and I see that the middle child, a girl 5 years old, get very little attetion. I'm aware of it but I don't know how to turn the everyday
Good for you! We are going through a similar situation with a move acros country and a new little girl in our family, you just have to choose what’s right for you and your family. Kudos to you and good luck finding your new rhythm!
Aw hon I know the feeling. Today was my first day alone with the kids because my husband started back at work. It was really… difficult. The most I accomplished was the three of us sitting in the bath then Edison wrapped in a towel on the bathmat while Vince stayed in the bath & I hopped in the shower to wash my hair {I even managed to shave my armpits!}. The rest of the day was spent trying to settle the little girl who didnt want to sleep and didnt want to be put down. Vince was also very… he was in a crazy mood.
It’s hard because I’m used to Vin occupying himself for a few hours whenever I want to sew, and now my blog is just starting to have these amazing opportunities thrown at it I’m really unsure how often I should be blogging you know? Little Eddie is more important to me than my blog, duh, and so is Vincent, but I need to keep something for myself right?
Oi vey.
<3
What an amazing post! I am with you Delia, the switch from 2 to 3 kids was difficult in our house. 2 felt tough, but not insanely so. 3 felt like we lost control. But as you say, we learned a new ‘normal’. One that works for us. We have learned to love more in the moment. We have learned to relish the chaos. Lately when I am in a quiet room, it feels like it is missing life. I have learned to associate the craziness that is my kids as LIFE – as really living it, and as enjoying every moment.
I realized one day a parallel between my kids and me – when I was eating something, I always tended to save the best – my favorite – til last. Whereas my kids always ate their favorite first. Why was I saving it til the end? The end may never come. Same goes for our lives and the bigger things – there are times to save – sure, but there are also times when we just need to seize the moment! I am so thankful for the little lessons our kids teach us every day.
Just breath it all in Delia, the other things will come. You will always remember the time you spent with your kids while they were kids!
Just a great post!!!
I felt the same way with my adjustment each time! (I have 4) I think it is wonderful that you are allowing yourself the space to breathe and enjoy these precious moments. I love your blog – you inspired me to attempt sewing for the first time 2 years ago! Best wishes as they get a little older and you find your groove. 🙂 (I could not believe how much easier EVERYTHING was once they weaned!) 🙂
Oh, Sweetie! I have 8 children ranging in age from 25 to 3 years old. (yes, all mine & yes, one father 😉 That third child, was by far, the most difficult addition – and he was actually one of my best babies!
Don’t forget that you have also had extenuating circumstances with your hubby being gone so much ~ that’s going to make things much more difficult! You’ve done a fabulous job!
You are so right to settle on a new normal ~ the old one simply will never exist again.
I wish I lived close ~ I would come clean your toilets and hold sweet Nat and play go fish with the boys….
So true! Thanks for the reminder. Your pics are sooo precious too! Do what you need to do to take care of your family 🙂 We will all still be here waiting for ya’…..you will never get that time w/ your kids back……gotta make the most of it!
I can relate 100%. I have two boys 7 and 3 and a little girl 12 weeks and I’m still searching for a new normal. I own a business and that has definitely taken a back seat for us while we try to wrap our heads around our new and often chaotic life. It is definitely much more challenging than the transition to two and often times my guilt for what I can’t get done or who receives less attention overwhelms my ability to see the joy that three brings. I too get lost in the when’s. When they are older, when she can be more independent, when I can breath things will get easier. But I think it has more to do with when we can learn to be ok with the chaos and uncertainty then there will be some type of normal. Thank you for posting. It’s nice to know that i’m not alone in my search for normalcy.
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Oh man. This describes what I’ve been going through lately as well. I’m making the big adjustment to just ONE kid, but it’s a big one. I can fully relate when you said I’m just getting to the point to try not to let the undone things eat at me. That is me right now. I hope we both find our new normals soon! Thanks for sharing, it’s great to know somebody else is going through it.
It does get better.
That first year with tree girls I was continually adjusting my expectations.
I went from 0 to 2 (with premie twins) to 3 with an angelic third girl.
And it was hard!
Now they’re 7 and 4, and life gets better and better.
Hang in there and savour the moment!
just chiming in to say that I experienced the same thing, the transition after adding the 3rd was the most challenging ~ hang in there 🙂
Great post!
My 3rd is 3 and I am still trying to find our new normal, lol! Really though I LOVED this post, it reminded me to take it slower and that I need to let more things fall to the wayside for more important things.
Thanks for inspiring me yet again!
Dear Delia, I´m a mom of 2 boys in Brazil, so sorry my english. I´ve been following your blog for a few months and I´ve considered the possibility to create my own blog, not for anyone, but for me, to find myself in things that I really like and believe and of course you are my 1st inspiration. Don´t worry take your time and do it with love…we´re all in this crazy journey not matter where you are…kind rgds.
hello there!
I am a mom of 3 girls and whenever someone who is pregnant asks how hard it is to transition from 2 to 3… i always say “You wont get back to your normal at least until the baby is 9 months old.” Take a break! you are not super woman. you are just a regular mom with the same difficulties as everyone else.
Primarily, enjoy your children! Errands, blogging, house cleaning are things that you can catch up to in the next few weeks or months, your children’s infancy and childhood filled with memories not just for them but for you as well, that time you will not get back, so enjoy it NOW! I talk by experience.
I am a stay at home mom who has a blog (but mine has never been super active) and even i see that i have missed little things of my girls.
Enjoy and enjoy, and enjoy this time! you will get back to normal, you will see. ((HUGS))
hey delia!
well, I’m glad to hear that you’re trying to figure things out. For a while there it seemed like everyone has babies and it’s so easy to just keep doing what you’ve always done, so it’s actually refreshing to hear that you are still working on things! I know if I would have started blogging before having my youngest that I would have giving up blogging, transitioning for me was very challenging. I’m glad you have a long to-do list, so I think you’re right by saying to go slow and steady. Anyway, there’s a great quote on pinterest that I found the other day and it honestly made me feel so much better! “Let’s not try to figure out everything at once.”
I think you are on the right way! I wish you a big vagon of patience and optimism!
Aljonushka from faraway Belarus
I’m glad to know that you will not give up blogging! You have such a gift for it and are so creative. As time goes on, you will adjust and life will get better. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I remember a lesson about time management, if we only get one thing done a day, if it’s the most important thing–that’s all that matters! Enjoy your family. The blogging will come. You are wonderful!
I felt like i was reading a page out of my own journal. 🙂 #3 reeeally threw me for a loop. He’s 9 months & crawling, so life is more “normal” now. I have given up alot, but I wouldn’t trade my time with these 3 boys for anything!! My sewing machine can wait, my camera can wait, the gym can wait, but my boys can’t!! I have had a lot of comfort in a quote from President Holland: “we are in the thick of thin things.” That gave me a great perspective. 🙂
You are so talented! my sister (laura s.) went to school with jared, & my mom is a cousin to allona. It was fun to realize the connection after I found your blog!
Hang in there!…the “old” normal will never exist again…and that is a good thing…you now have that sweet baby girl. I also felt the biggest shift going from two to three. I think it has to do with the kids outnumbering the parents 😉
My mother-in-law used to say “After 3 it doesn’t matter how many children you have – you’re already out numbered!” I think she was right. 🙂
I may be sounding like a sissy but I’m still having a hard time adjusting to one some days! He is a year and a half and we’re about to have another one in January. You make things look like a breeze! I hope it all settles down for you. I love your blog!
I think taking a slower approach and pace to blogging is brilliant. I’ve been composing a post like this one in my head for some time and will post it soon…it’s just crazy to think we can do it all and not fall flat on our face, exhausted. Right? I can’t wait to see your projects! But I will wait, patiently!…. 😀
Thanks for posting this! I am glad other people feel this way at times, too. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has it all together and I’m the only one struggling. Good luck finding your new normal.
I say, Don't Stress! We all love you and your blog so much, but we also understand that your family comes first. 🙂 We are expecting our third in about 4 weeks (hopefully sooner) and I am bracing myself. 🙂 But I can't wait to see what new dynamic this baby will bring to our family. Hang in there… you'll figure it out. 🙂
Oh, if I lived in your neighborhood, and we knew each other I'd come over and take your three for an afternoon so you could get some sleep and alone-time!
It's not easy to ask for help, but there's bound to be SOMEONE nearby who can do what I wish I could do for you. Ask for help. Feeling well rested really makes life seem much more manageable.
Not that I
I've had quite a bit of trouble just adjusting to two kids… I still don't think I'm quite there. Hope you manage to find a new normal! =)
Thanks for reminding me to live in the now. I so want to do that but it seems like I forget that when I look at my to-do list. I have so much I want to accomplish and some of those things compete with each other for attention, but I also don't want to miss my children growing up. My boy will start kindergarten next year, followed by the girl two years later and I think how wonderful that will
So, so well said.
I can totally relate this week. Going from one kid for over a month, back to three is quite the adjustment. It's been a struggle, but I too am getting back to what I used to consider "normal". I hope that makes sense! You are a wonderful momma and your babies know that. Take a deep breath and keep on truckin. This too shall pass. 🙂
Oh, you are my favorite blog. And My third daughter has almost 2 months yo. I'm like you looking for some order in my life in this new country (less than a year in Canada since Chile), with a husband who travel a lot, at least two weeks per month, and now moving to another house, changes and changes. I'll be here waiting, love your blog and understand you.
Three is so hard. I had so many people comment on my blog when Cora was born that the transition to three is so much easier than two … liars! She is almost 9 months now, and I think instead of getting easier, it just gets different – some things easier, some things harder, lots of things more fun. Anyway, you seem to be handling your new normal beautifully!
2 to 3 was a much harder transition than 3 to 4 (I hope that gives you hope in case you want some more babies). But I think we as Moms always struggle with being able to fulfill all our roles as mommy, wife, friend, daughter, sister, neighbor and also to find some time for us to just be who we were/are on our own. It is so tough to not feel guilty all the time that we are letting someone down
Three is quite the adjustment- I'm trying to find a new normal myself since it looks like our old "normal" is never coming back 🙂 3 has been a lot harder than 2 for me too. You write beautifully and put to words a lot of what I've been feeling myself.
"yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift… that is why it is called the present"
I've got two months left before we welcome number 3 into our home. Everyone keeps telling me 3 is the hardest. Thank you for your perspective. I guess I better start preparing for a new normal:) And you really are amazing. I love all the things you come up with, but I'm so glad family comes first!
I say yes to a new normal and ABSOLUTELY YES to living for now and not someday!! Enjoy three! It is amazing. I am a couple months away from leaving three and venturing to four so I know the feeling!
Enjoy the time you have. New babies make you slow down and that is such a blessing. I was just looking at pictures of my three from two years ago and they change so quickly!
I forgot to say yesterday, how much I love the photos ~ they are all just gorgeous!
I've heard so many say that the third child really throws them for a loop! I have a 5 year space between my 1st and 2nd child so my 3rd was more like another 2nd…if that makes any sense whatsoever! 🙂
What a beautiful post. got me a little teary eyed in fact. Maybe because I can relate too much. we can all relate too much. We will all still be here to check in on your lovely posts and pictures whenever there's time for it. Living in the now is so much better. Yes yes yes. I'm going to try to do more of that too. Thank you for sharing this with us!
LOVED THIS!! It's so true!! All my life I've looked forward to the next phase of my life…graduate from high school, graduate from collage, go on a mission, get married, have children, etc, etc. I realized, while on my mission, that I was missing so much of the good, while busily looking foward to the future. It's still something I struggle with-probably always will. Thankfully, when
I've been meaning to post. I love your blog, and am glad you're going to continue, but I've never understood how you do it. As a mom of 3, and with many friends who have 3, I can say it is a general consensus that 3 really kicks your bum (though well worth it). My mom (of 6) even said that was her hardest transition. Keep blogging, it's great, but not nearly worth missing the
I think you deserve congratulations for recognizing that things are, and need to be, different in your family right now. I struggle with balancing the creative ambition and the realities of managing a household of 5, not to mention the opportunity to choose the better part when it comes to quality time with my children. I wish you well as you create a new, beautiful, normal.
Oh yes, three IS different!
And after a while you get used to the nap schedule, and how it works, and you start getting more done.
Then the baby changes to 1 nap a day and it's different than the other 2 and it gets tricky again. Then you get them all napping at the same time, and you get a ton done during naptime.
Until the next one is born, and it starts all
Yes, three is hard. You'll figure it out soon, though, and then you'll have a groove going before you know it. I promise.
I love this post. I have three as well 6, 3, and 9 months and it is so nice to hear that someone else feels the same way 🙂 I'm just starting to come out of the haze so to speak and just in time for school to start. I feel kind of bad that I have been so unorganized for my oldest's summer vacay! You have an amazing attitude. Thank you so much for uplifting my spirits today. You are